Wacky NBA Predictions

As a follow-up to his amazing Superman Dunk at the 2008 Slam Dunk Competition, Dwight Howard will attempt the far less-popular Aquaman Dunk at the '09 contest. Things go horribly wrong after Howard fills the lower bowl of Phoenix's U.S. Airways Center with water, shorting out television cameras and warping the hardwood floor.

Gilbert Arenas will become the first player in history to write a blog post while shooting a free throw in an NBA game. Unfortunately, he will also become the first player in history to injure himself blogging while shooting a free throw in an NBA game.

The Lopez twins, New Jersey's Brook and Phoenix's Robin, will hatch an elaborate plan to secretly switch identities and play for the other's team (essentially, their plan will involve getting the same haircut). When players, coaches, and fans find out, no one will care.

Ron Artest's falling out with the Houston Rockets won't occur because of technical fouls, fights with fans, or missed practices. Instead, Artest will demand a trade after his next album drops and no one on the team buys a copy.

O.J. Mayo of the Memphis Grizzlies will get off to a hot start, inspiring a new beverage: The O.J. Mayo. It is a shake consisting of Tropicana Orange Juice and Hellman's Mayonnaise. Despite the rookie guard's strong play, the drink will not sell well.

Rotund big men Eddy Curry and Zach Randolph lead the New York Knicks to their first of seven consecutive championships... after the Knicks franchise gives up on basketball and joins the Major League Eating tour.

In an effort to add depth to their frontcourt, the Toronto Raptors will hire a team of paleontologists to re-animate a prehistoric raptor to play power forward. He will literally devour his opponents in the paint.