Forget Roger Goodell, David Stern, and Bud Selig. If I were the commissioner of all sports, here are the five things I would immediately implement...
1. Change College Football’s BCS to a Playoff System
Yes, yes, I know I’m not the first to mention this. But seriously, what’s better than March Madness? Filling out brackets, cheering for your favorite team for a month straight (hopefully), and watching the best teams in the nation compete against each other. Nothing against the Meineke-Car-Care Bowl featuring two teams that had 6-6 records. But college basketball has it right. It’s simple: an eight-team, single-elimination playoff system. That would prevent undefeated Utah from claiming they deserve the championship while Florida is crowned the “national champion.”
2. Make Golf an Olympic Sport
Golf may be the most diverse sport there is, and still it’s not in the Olympics. The closest thing we have is the Ryder Cup, which is the United States vs. the world. Fantastic. (Actually, that’s usually what happens in the Olympics anyway.) Imagine, though, if each country had a golf team that competed for gold medals on the biggest stage in the world. Further still, there’s already parity in golf: The top of each Sunday leaderboard is checkered with non-U.S. players. So let’s take it to the next logical step already.
3. Superstars Must Sign Autographs
The top five highest paid players on every team for the four major sports (basketball, football, baseball, and hockey) would have to spend at least 20 minutes at each game signing autographs for fans. I’m sick of seeing players like A-Rod, LeBron, and T.O. snub fans who constantly wear their jerseys scream their names, only to watch them act like they’re deaf. If you’re making millions, driving Ferraris, and dating models, you have time to sign a 10-year-old’s hat.
4. Asterisks in the Baseball Hall of Fame
With all due respect to Barry Bonds’s many accomplishments, he cheated. He juiced. How else do you explain his forehead having a six-pack? Same goes for Roger Clemens, Jason Giambi, etc. When the game of baseball, also known as the “game of stats,” lists the records of guys who were caught juicing, or were named in official reports as having done so, there needs to be an asterisk next to their name for future generations to see. A tiny * that says at the bottom of the page in parenthesis: * - this player was caught taking steroids.
5. Punish Golfers for Slamming their Clubs
Any time Tiger, or any other golfer, slams his club, thousands of kids learning the game are learning an unintended lesson as well. So, instead of fining a player a few grand (I think the $110 million Tiger made last year will help cover that), there is a much easier way to make sure they learn their lesson. After a golfer curses, throws their clubs, or slams a club, a rules official will walk up to said golfer, turn their hat backwards and pop their collar. For the rest of the round, the golfer will have to play like this. Kind of a “Scarlett Letter” for the links. If said golfer commits another offense, their shoes will be untied. And so on. Come on boys, this is a gentleman’s game. (Come to think of it, this wouldn’t be a bad idea for tennis or baseball either…)
All in all, these things are improbable, if not impossible, to implement. Tiger tripping over his shoelaces? Not likely. But if I were the king of all sports, there’d be some changes made.