Opening Day is here! Well, actually, Opening Day was here more than a week ago when the Mariners and A’s played to games in Japan. Then there were no games for nine days. Makes sense, right? It’s all part of Commissioner Allan Selig’s master plan to make people watch less baseball.

But anyway, Opening Day in the U.S. is here! The defending champion St. Louis Cardinals and new, rainbow-colored Miami Marlins face off tonight. So what better time to make some preseason predictions! Below are my projected picks for division winners, Wild Cards (there are two per league this year) and awards. And remember, I’ve NEVER been wrong. NEVER!

AL East champ: Tampa Bay Rays
AL Central champ: Detroit Tigers
AL West champ: Los Angeles Angels
AL Wild Cards: Boston Red Sox and Texas Rangers

Yeah, that’s right, no Yankees in the playoffs. They don’t have the pitching (Michael Pineda, their big offseason acquisition, is already having shoulder problems). And the Yankees don’t have the elite offensive firepower to make up for that lack of pitching.

NL East champ: Miami Marlins
NL Central champ: St. Louis Cardinals
NL West champ: San Francisco Giants
NL Wild Cards: Arizona Diamondbacks and Philadelphia Phillies

In the NL, I’m nervous about the Phillies. Everybody’s hurt. Ryan Howard has a hurt foot. Chase Utley has a hurt knee. Roy Halladay probably has like, hurt feelings or something. I think the Marlins, with their strong pitching staff and speed, can take them out. And yes, I like the Cardinals to find a way back to the playoffs. No Pujols, but Adam Wainwright is back, Chris Carpenter will be healthy come May and Carlos Beltran was a great free agent signing.

WORLD SERIES! Detroit Tigers over San Francisco Giants

They can’t play a lick of defense, but in Miguel Cabrera and Prince Fielder the Tigers have the huge bats (and the big arms, Justin Verlander anyone?) to win it all. So congratulations Tigers, you are 100% guaranteed to win the World Series. Because I said so.

Now, on to the awards:

AL MVP: Albert Pujols, Los Angeles Angels
AL Cy Young Award: Dan Haren, Los Angeles Angels
AL Rookie of the Year: Matt Moore, Tampa Bay Rays

NL MVP: Justin Upton, Arizona Diamondbacks
NL Cy Young Award: Zack Greinke, Milwaukee Brewers
NL Rookie of the Year: Trevor Bauer, Arizona Diamondbacks

So, who do you have winning it all? How about your pick for awards? Leave a comment today, or everyone will think you're lame!