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Paul Ulane

Hey Yankees and Red Sox: HURRY UP!!! 37


Listen people: I love sports and I love watching sports. I’ll sit down and watch everything from baseball to bocce ball. If there’s a heated competition going on between two opponents, it’s worth watching. And nothing makes big games more thrilling than a brutal battle between two heated division rivals.

Which is why I’m as shocked as you are with what I’m about to say. But here it goes…

The Yankees-Red Sox rivalry has GOT to change.

I’ve had enough. This rivalry has sapped all the fun out of baseball. Every time these two teams play, the game feels like it lasts forever. Primetime games don’t end until the next day. Batters step out of the batter’s box on every pitch. Pitchers wander in circles around the mound. Catchers call meetings. Managers switch pitchers about every fourth pitch. I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE.

The Yankees and Red Sox have played 12 games so far this season, and only one of them was under three hours…and that one barely made it under, at 2 hours and 58 minutes. The pace of these games is unbearable. These teams have the second and third best records in the Majors, but watching them play each other is about as exciting as watching paint dry.

So I’m proposing some simple solutions for the last six regular season games left between the Yanks and the Sox this year:

- Seeing as every at-bat between these two offensive juggernauts results in a 3-2 count, I would like to change the rules: batters are only allowed 3 balls and two strikes from here on out. That should cut about half an hour off of game times.

- Since every one of these games usually takes close to two and a half hours just to get to the seventh inning, that’s when their games will end now. Less American League, more Little League.

- And attention David Ortiz: you are only allowed to spit into your batting gloves once an at-bat. How much stickier can you get your gloves, Big Papi? Come on already!

Look, if these two teams face-off in the playoffs, let them duke it out for as long as it takes to crown a winner. But for the rest of their regular season games, let’s change things up a bit and get these games over with in a reasonable amount of time. Who’s with me?

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37 Comments

everybody knows boston is always ben better

wow, that actually made me chuckle a little. i like the part about the paint drying :) funny stuff! when i saw there was a new blog, i almost screamed. things have been pretty slow with the lack of sports (exciting ones, anyway). i look forward to reading all of your blogs, professer U! you are the best sports writer ever! (but i have noticed that you are a little on the -- (negative) side... oh well its fun to read!)

-long live SportsCenter ;) :D

I love sportscenter. I watch it every morning. but i like dual survival better.

Cool name SportsCenter3! I watch SportsCenter every morning.

I think that is one of my top 5 in all SI history!!!

not me

HAH! that was funny!

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